Why am I so uncomfortable talking with people I don’t know?

One small change

that will actually help!

Recently, a lot of folks have asked for my guidance on some form of this question. As they share more about their question, it becomes clear that they believe this feeling is getting in their way of fully experiencing life.  This feeling is called social anxiety and it’s very common in the US. In fact, it affects over 15 million Americans each year. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that one in eight adults experience social anxiety sometime during their life.

When you feel nervous, tense or uncomfortable in social situations, it’s helpful to know that

we ALL get anxiety. Sure, some of us get it worse than others, but it affects every single one of us. The question is, how do you let it affect you?

The key to overcoming anxiety is not to completely eliminate it, but simply to not allow it to affect you negatively. Instead of trying to get rid of your anxiety, your goal should be to learn to accept it, embrace it, and continue doing all the things you want to do–not despite anxiety, but in the face of anxiety.

Here’s something that has helped me and may help you.

SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

A lot of times, when I have felt nervous or anxious in social situations, I’ve noticed that I’ve been hyper-focused on myself. My mind in chattering a way with thoughts like: What are hands doing? Do I sound dumb? Did my stomach just growl? This inward focus tends to reinforce a negative and untrue story that I’m awkward when meeting people. Though I acknowledge that this story may have been created to protect me at some point in my life, it is now much less useful for me.

When I shift my focus to others and engage my curiosity, I give my mind something else to do (besides self-criticism). When I focus on others, I’m actively listening and learning about someone else and their experiences. I’m asking questions and discovering common interests. Before long, I’m having a wonderful conversation and not thinking about my over-sized feet at all.

Be patient and remember that this is a journey. By making this small shift you’ll notice real progress.